ICE-NINE-SURFER

Weekend In Review:

Interesting Weekend. Camp out in the equivalent of a cow pasture. Novice off road skills. Court of honor with a surprise Wood badge ceremony and a skit pulled off by the scouts that was good. I really enjoyed the Temple Dedication and the time with my parents however brief. I was buoyed up by my sister in Minn. I have a challenge for this week I'm looking forward too.

I've been to the edge of the deep green sea. I 've seen the color of my mortality, I read the writing on the wall. I 've discounted the coldness inside looked for the light that's outside. I tried to warm my bones beside the fire. What's the color of incessant beating through narrow veins? Blue or black like tar. My fingers let the wind wrap it's soft willowy strokes in between. Where 's the dream in the seam of my mind. What's the voice of my understanding..yet I can't talk I can't speak the fear wells up and strangles my reason. " A flower fading too soon..."

My legs burn like mad and my foot feels broken, all from running 11 miles. Lori drove me up to almost the dirt road in Middle canyon. When the Odometer said ll miles she dropped me of and left me alone. So I just started running. My legs went numb because it was cold but by mile 10 I was plenty warm and eager to get home. I muscled out the last mile feeling pretty good and turned into our entrance. A few seconds later I have a pit bull chasing me on my heels for 20 yds or so. It's dragging a large chain supposedly meant to keep it tied up. My mind is running through multiple scenarios just waiting to be attacked. I stay calm and pretend it doesn't exist it goes away.

Intersting weekend started by getting bad news followed by good news. We had some friends over for games (Nice surprise I hope for one). It was fun and a g0od way to end the week. We stayed up too late and didn't make it to the open house the next morning. The pig picken for Bonnie and Bryan was awesome. Great food and some of he best hush puppies I have ever had. A couple of highlights happened on the Facebook. I know sounds weird. I had a conversation with my little sister that was awesome and much needed. I also had a former Bishop from Phoenix add me.

So I spent a week in the high Uinta's at Camp Tomahawk. I loved the night skies clear and moon free revealing the stars in all their glory. It was so peaceful a times it was a spiritual experience. No phone, no TV , no distractions (other than the boys singing Disney tunes). It's not hard to see how one can get into camping and back country adventure and into scouting at such a cool place. I did miss my family and I wished they were with me.

It's 1:26 am and my wife is not home yet. I have inherited the worry trait from my mother. I'm sure I'll be the one waiting up fo my daughter to get home from her dates. I also have a pretty vivid and warped imagination. Oh and I just watched Mad Max. Great movie. Boy does Gibson look young.

I had a transitory thought...it's gone now. I found my center over the weekend. It's nice to regain focus on what's important. Sometimes the hectic nonstop of this life wears me down until I am running on fumes always in react mode. I am learning the importance of making quick decisions and moving forward not dwelling on the details for an eternity. Mistakes will happen, learn and move on. Too bad some mistakes last 4 years.

Some days the cold shale facade is broken down and I feel real emotion. I know shocking. A small window of mortality breaks free in my mind and I see things as they really are. Typically I want to hide under a rock but I've learned to quickly build back the wall. Tonight I remain lucid enough to write. My dreams over the weekend were insane causing me to reflect on why they would be that way. I see dreams as extensions of my innermost desires, needs and sometimes lessons or answers to questions. When something that would never happen in reality happens in a dream all the same "real feelings and emotions" are present for me. I wake with the raw feelings and sometimes spend the day trying to shake the feelings of the dreams. Sometimes people I would never expect infect my dreams. "Stay in your own dreams dang it. " I wonder whose dreams I cross over into. Maybe that is the problem I wander into someone else's subconscious. Crazy..maybe not.

I am in a cloud of confusion, disillusion and wonder why people die. The innocents being snuffed out for wanting freedom in Iran, for wanting a change. Obama! Do you care? It doesn't fit your master plan. Better hurry and send Hillary maybe she can talk or sanction them into submission. Pffft! What a bunch of hollow shelled, commutard, fascist liberal elitists.

Excited by the thought of getting in the mountains even for a few hours. Thoughts of peace in my head free of noise and distraction. I need the sweet cool air and the trees folding in on me. I need the release from the work week. I can only keep up the pseudo-positive attitude for so long before I get recalcitrant..."Always should be someone you really love.."

Darkness like a comforting blanket wrapping its arms snugly around me, a cool breeze wisping, willowing between my fingers. The night has its flows in a rhythm pulsating along a trail ministering sweet sounds of healing. It's own music it's own voice loud enough to not understand quiet enough to be deafening. Fleeting...the Sun washes it away.

Respect the way to go to respect the way to go, what's in the flow for my life. Scribbling notes in disorder fit into the borders outside the lines of providing truth.
It's an order. Sleep to few to survive.

My eardrums pulsated to the beats as they shook my mind bouncing off the inside of my skull. Tortured inside my own head but numbed by the beats by the melodies by the lyrics at times. What skin do I inhabit twisted from the inside out writhing in a uncomfortable dance flowing with the music. My own heartbeat replaced by trance-endental dub house creations made for high volume and tuning out. My synapses cracking in time to the liquid fresh flow of snatchy scratchy beat tonics. "I just got to find peace and unity" ...maybe I'm bass ed in Euro converted to the creativity of my ancentral lands. The US a can't touch these funky beAts.

I have been pondering the dichotomy of my existence lately. On one hand I want to retain the youthful enjoyments of music and concerts on the other I want to be an up standing father and husband. I want to ride the hills and run the streets pushing my body to the extreme.  I want to play with my kids make them laugh and  have fun.  I guess this last concert caught up with me. I think I will be a little more careful next time. I can't handle the hard harsh screamy  crap anymore. (But you went to NIN? I did and loved every minute, maybe because it's not screamy screamo, but from an actual musician.)  I digress,  Basically my wants are are just that, wants.  Needs, ..asceticism.  Who cares! 

Street Dogs----A---Boston punk rock loved them

I can't concentrate...oh Yeah freakin Vidalia onions rock. I sautee'd them with some mushrooms. I really couldn't get enough.  They aren't bad raw either. Sweet!!Literally.  

First of all I have to say I am extremely proud of my brother -in-law Tyler.  He graduated this week and also won a Student of the Year award. He was also accepted in one of the best schools in his field for a Masters program. Their son was born a few weeks ago, I held him for the second time today, I admit the first time I got a little emotional. Great job Tyler and Linny!!! We will miss you guys.