Today I found out I wasn't a psychopath (que the Toy Dolls). Thanks Cindi. I did discover how I cope with my fear of being in the spotlight. Yesterday we held the first showing of our film fest and I somehow ended up in 4 or 5 films out of the 10 shown. I remember the first time a few years ago. I was terrified. So much so I did not go to the opening show. I sneaked in the back at the second show when there were less people. It made me physically sick to think all those people I don't know or barely know will see me making a fool of myself. Let me rewind, when I was a small boy my mother made me take DRAMA at a community drama club for youth. It backfired. I grew up believing drama was another word for torture. I withdrew from society at a very early age. Why in the hell would I ever want to get up in front of STRANGERS and sing its a grand old flag with a gay hat on and sparkly vests. I know that evil lady is still tormenting kids to this day(The head of the torture club not my mom).
Future time! I am able to compartmentalize and trick myself into believing that it's not me. I actually attempted to act this time and by so doing I realized that indeed it wasn't me.
I am actually having fun with it finally after nearly 30 years.
I do like hats though?
3 comments:
Just the thought of you singing "its a grand old flag" wearing a gay hat and a sparkly vest, (insert evil laught here) has inspired me to write a script for next year's film festival.
Dang!, I didn't know.........I put you in that class to try to help you not be so bashful, I didn't know it had that bad of an effect on you. I hope you are forgiving of parents that thought they were doing the right thing.
I have never held a grudge about it. So no worries.
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