ICE-NINE-SURFER

I feel as small as I can possibly be, as insignificant as a hair on a fleas butt. My life has been a series of trials, so much so that I don't remember a time when I could simply relax and enjoy anything for more than a day. I don't expect it to change nor would I want it too. In the Book of Mormon the phrase hardness of heart is often talked about. In the end their hearts were hardened past the point of no return leading to destruction.  Sometimes I feel I only have a flicker of heat in the deep recess of my heart. I know its there but I don't do much to kindle it. It's so easy to just drone on in existence pretending everything will be alright . In spite of my weakness I have been blessed beyond my comprehension, in spite of myself. Across two years I have made new friends, strengthened old, and let the strong ones whither because of pride. I've hid my head in the sand while one dies. Across two years, I've born a son, been a teacher, and gained 20 lbs. I have felt joy, madness, pride, and pain. I've felt my sanity waver on the brink of darkness.  I shutter and real at my dreams both sleeping and awake. Across two years...